Keeper of the gems, I am.

"I have a razor ball of lightning striking your mind" - Leslie

A few days ago I learned a personal hero of mine, Leslie Hall, was playing a show in Grand Rapids. If you don't know Mrs. Hall, you might know the Gem Sweater song and the front lady, squeezed into the gold suit, is Leslie. Her sweater song became the anthem of my early college years. I was a boring freshman, but none the less, I dressed up as her for halloween, walked around campus, and people stared. I ate at the cafeteria with a large bouffant, proud of my handmade, glittering, dew drop gem sweater.

Tight pants, hobby lobby, and power cuddles.
Leslie had created a soundtrack to my life and I was in love with the music.

Her band Leslie and the Ly's performed at the Pyramid Scheme and as I walked there I felt stupid going alone but so enormously excited to see her live. The second I walked in I knew I was in heaven. Gold tassels, quilts, a tiger rug, and nylon stuffed mannequins covered the stage. The first opening band Pennyhawk was a soft folk rock band, probably good to listen to while in the fields of Iowa or something. The second band, Ramona and The Swimsuits, came out wearing, well, swimsuits and singing lyrics like "come on man, let me juggle that baby" and "it's the cabbage days of summer". The story is Leslie mentioned the name of a band on stage one night and then Ramona had to come up with just what that band actually was. The best part was the band Pennyhawk was just Ramona and The Swimsuits minus the swimsuits, and Ramona and The Swimsuits was just Leslie and the Ly's minus the Leslie.

After some technical difficulties, the main act was finally on stage. Leslie flew in via jetpack and the gold pants party began. She was literally everything I imagined and more. There were many body rolls and butt flexing. Think of the greatest concert you have ever been to. The amazing million dollar stage and special effect and Adele/Jay-z/Lady Gaga singing their guts out. This show was just like that minus about $999,950 of the budget and the quality of Britney Spears's voice pre-autotune. The Ly's lifted and rotated Leslie by a lazy susan and cart with a jack.

The drummer wore a cape with a sequin incrusted image of Leslie's face and if you look real close to the picture you can see the merch girl spinning the drum stage so it could rotate. The Ly's also hung from a ladder and the base of a scaffolding structure. Leslie is even a skilled breakdancer. It sure was cool.

All in all, this was really the best show I've ever attended. I was laughing hysterically and wildly dancing even though the actual singing was sub par and I was solo and sober. The completely ridiculous act was so ridiculous it couldn't have been done any better. Leslie continues to be everything I wish I could. Gem sweaters for life.