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I have a group of friends that have been getting together every Sunday night for, what has come to be known as, Doc Night. A little over a year old and and Doc Night is still going strong, sometimes packing my friend Andrea's living room with 30+ bodies. Over the year, we have watched a wide range of documentaries like The September Issue, Marwencol, American Movie, Restrepo, The Bridge, Food, Inc., and Helvetica. Many of the movies are tied with deep emotions and polarizing opinions causing long group discussions.

A little bit ago, I suggested we change it up and watch a documentary far from something we could relate to on a human scale. I'm talking about space! With many supporters, this past Sunday we hopped into our spaceship, plant earth, as Inside the Milky Way flew us around our galaxy and universe. Filled with fanatical, wire haired scientists and extreme detail discovered purely on a few mathematical equations, I was in heaven. We even phoned a nuclear physicist to answer our more difficult questions.

One piece of information really stood out. That is, we don't actually know what our Milky Way galaxy looks like because we have never be able to get above it to take a picture. In that mind exploding moment I was reminded of a little gem I found a few years back. I stumbled on a product called Location Earth Dog Tags during a personal exploration of alien life. The dog tags are your alien abdutor's tool to getting you back home if they have simply forgotten where they picked you up.


The dog tag clearly points out the location our planet in the solar system, humanoids, important pulsars (uh, I'm not sure what that is), and earth's land masses. The company is so sure you won't get lost in the galaxy, you are entitled to a full refund if you're not safely returned to earth.

After that I began remembering other useful pieces of alien abduction stories. Paul Sahre, a well known graphic designer, once camped out with a home made alien abduction kit, in hopes it would attract and aid his UFO abductors. The kit included boots, a probe, a "I want to believe" button, some Vonnegut, binoculars, a compass, jump suit, and (of course) a thought protection helmet.

I even once watch a crazy mockumentary about a man that disappeared. The file crew interviewed his friends and family and they all believed he voluntarily was abducted by aliens and his girlfriend was waiting for him and aliens would return for her. There was also a good amount of crazy rednecks shooting guns at things. The only thing is I can't find any evidence this movie existed. It has seem to have disappeared as easily as the man in the story or maybe my affinity for alien culture had created the movie experience in my head.

If you've read this far you must believe the truth is out there too. Check out Steven Hawking's view of alien life. He is sure the chance of extra-terrestrial life in our cosmos is very great.

With UFO reports coming in every three minutes and alien abductions on the rise ever since Fox Molder quit the X-Files, we must get serious about what is really out there in space. To stop alien abductions visit www.stopabductions.com for helpful tips on thought screen helmets and to discover the telepathic war we face with aliens. The helmet has been successfully used by former abductees for the pass twelve years. Also, if you do come in contact with aliens, please be a good earthly ambassador because Will Smith is really only an actor and probably won't save our butts when they attack.

I just got this killer perm and it needs some major up keep.

Riding on a bus.

Public transit is great. It gets people here to there relatively fast, it's inexpensive, and it helps us ride that "green earth" wave. It's even greater in Michigan because it is few and far between and every bus ride is like a fairytale dream that has fallen into the sewer drain. I ride the bus to work because it gives me an extra half hour to wake up, or fall asleep and be embarrassingly nudged awake by some handsome bearded fellow. While I enjoy Grand Rapids' lovely bus system, I have witnessed a few things worth mentioning.

I have repeatedly slid off my seat because the sweater-vested driver only knew two speeds, stop and go. Thankfully knees make a great brace embedded into the seat in front.

I have stood hovered over a couple grabbing there seat back on a packed bus because the shorter you are, the fewer handles you have to grab onto when the driver needs to jump up and down on the break pedal. And yes, they were open-mouth making out and rubbing the back of each others heads as I was pinned against them.

I was actually on a bus when a girl hit it driving through an apartment complex parking lot. I was surprised because I was on a bus, a huge bus. These things are hard to miss with your eyes closed.

Lastly, the crowd of rowdy hockey fans and drunk bro-chachos is always a bus favorite. I applaud them for getting a safe ride home, but they have to remember no one else on the bus is at their level and no one thinks it's funny.

I'm sure I could write up some witty bus riding guidelines, but I've got another line of defense; the ipod. I put my cute pink headphones in, turn on some nerd podcast, and blend into the other awkward people with their headphones in and texting on their phone. This is the group of people that other people write articles about. Articles about how us weirdos are hiding behind social media, losing any people skills we still have, thus causing the decline of civilization all together.

This could all be combated by making the bus into a dance club. The loud music would drown out the yelling bros and make their fist pumping more appropriate. Us shy ones will have no need for our ipods and the stop and go driving style, it will force us all to shake our hips. The make-out couple wouldn't be out of place and the disco ball will add an additional safety feature for other drivers, like police lights.

It's the future.

11:11 11.11.11

In a few days 11:11 11.11.11 will be upon us and if you some how miss the millions of people holding their breath for a full minute on Friday in the AM version, relax because not only does everyone get to make the greatest, biggest, fluffiest, sparkliest, fingers crossed, wishiest wish they have ever made, it is going to happen TWICE! 11:11 PM 11.11.11.

I believe I first caught on to this mystical tradition a few years ago in the version of a facebook bumper sticker. Yea, remember those? I think they still exist and I'm sure the pre-teens rage for the newest ones. The sticker simply said "11:11 Make A Wish". After I understood that this cleaver little aliment of the 1s across the clock face some how carried magical wish-granting powers and saw numerous friends squirm into a pretzel attempting to squeeze their tiny little dream out through their skin, I realized this was stupid. So what, four number ones line up next to each other, or two elevens (whatever), for a whole minute, twice a day. My birthday only happens once a year and I dont see people getting all bug eyed or screaming "Quick. Quick, wish for something outrageous. Say, 'I-I want the Nile.' Wish for the Nile." and that happens only once a year!

I cleverly solved this dilemma years ago with a sassy rebuttal. I added a bumper sticker that said, "11:12 Damnit..." and I felt satisfied. Now that the most epic 11:11 wishing time is near, I will make one simple wish; that none of your wishes come true, because it is just a time on a clock. Come on! Instead, if you want your wish to come true, I say, you stick to the traditional forms of wish making; throw a penny in a fountain, blow on an eyelash, break a wishbone with a friend, or wish upon a star.

So, happy wishing! Just not on the previously mentioned times.

Happy Fall Colors

Bright White Paper

When someone creates a brilliant concept or design and you think to yourself, "It's just too simple to be good. Let's add some more to fill it up/make it fun/make it pop" just stop it. Take that little thought and a small mental hatchet and chop that thought up until it is no more. When you are listening to a pitch about a short informational video, that is so clear and consistant, and you notice yourself waving your hands in semi circles and explaining how the graphics can zoom in, for the love of the Karate Kid, just stop it. When you see a designed piece of equipment and find yourself commenting on how unimpressed you are because it doesn't seem that complicated, oh you better shut it up.

Let's start with a little analogy and think about a time when you were asked to close your eyes and clear your head as a means of relaxation. What did you think of? I typically think of all white, free of any objects, walls, or even space itself. Relaxing isn't it? So we can all agree white space is beautiful. If you don't, I'll give you back your Lisa Frank notebook (go wild).

Let's now think about a very stressful time most of us have encountered, a city rush hour. You can be in your car, walking to work, or if you live downtown, attempting to sleep, but there always seems to be a constant loud rubble of noise. Something leaking out of the sewer is just choking you as you pass by and you're attempting to read your 3 text messages you received and you missed the traffic light. Not relaxing! Something about the constant stimulation really begins to eat away at you, your temper, and/or your ability to pay attention to one simple task.

Now let's pretend these two situations are pieces of paper. One is a nice white sheet of paper; no creases or stains, bright white paper. The other paper is mud covered, drawn on with the disgusting black licorice smelling marker, and the whole surface is crinkled. If you were going to buy one of these pieces of paper, which one would you choose? Unless you are some hipster (damn the man), you would choose the bright white paper. It's relaxing, understood, clean, simple, and you are able to project yourself on to its endless possibilities. The other thing to understand, is a lot of work went into making that piece of paper that glowing shade of white, the right weight, and the right size. Just because it appears simple, does not mean the process of making it is.

So the next time you're thinking about get your money's worth by filling up every square inch with text and bursts, think about that beautiful white piece of paper. If you want to continue to yell a message over the noise of the city, remember how the constant stimulation makes that little voice, that tells you to do bad things, in your head grow louder. Or if you are mad that you're paying an arm and a leg for something that looks so simple, just remember that a lot of time went in to making it look so clean, because it sure as heck didn't start off that way.

Marathon Update

I'm five weeks into training for the Disney Marathon and I thought I would give an update on how it's going. Elyse and I are officially registered to run! Now on to planning travel and accommodations for cheep! Anyone have a condo in Orlando?

The actual running is getting much harder. I'm not sure if it's because the distances are getting longer or because I'm breaking in new shoes. I'm hoping it's the shoes, because that will be a short lived battle. I've also been encouraging friends to run/bike along with me, especially on the longer runs. It really helps with the mental battle. I got a new, fancy and nerdy water belt to come along as a fellow traveler on the longer runs. This is both a positive and negative add to the run. I'm obviously keeping hydrated and can carry a phone if I think I'm about to die or some ID incase someone finds me that way. Although, I am carrying a heavy water bottle around that likes to bounce up and down. Again, it's just a part of the mental battle.

Recovery is getting shorter and easier to deal with. It is a very positive and noticeable step. I'm still feeling pretty good about the training, but not quite as optimistic as I was in the beginning. Running long distances is hard stuff. I'm focused on training at a good pace but also keeping my body healthy. The last thing I would want is paying for this non-refundable race and getting myself injured. So keep honking if you see me. I won't hear you because my headphones will be in and you will look like an idiot, but somehow, someway, I can feel your love.

Personal Assistant Needed

I'm your regular super busy chick. Putting my brain to work, I though I'd get a leg up from every other busy chick and hire myself a personal assistant. The following is a list of job skills required in order to keep me organized, smooth, and my armpits dry (I tend to perspire excessively when I'm stress).

Loves details - and all those other little annoying things like fine print, hidden fees, and cobwebs. I'm a big picture kinda gal; details always seem a bit fuzzy. I need appointments made, comments liked via facebook, laundry cleaned, and I need to blog and pinterest regularly.

Understands extremely difficult concepts and theories but isn't more than one analogy away from "it's like this cheeseburger..." - I love learning all about Mr. Brainiac's study on string theory. It gives me all those arrogant facts I like to throw in my friends faces and then stick out my tongue while gesturing "Suck it"! But I just don't have the time or the attention to wade through equations and science books, and I can't be seen at the library (it really hurts the rep). I need to be given the instructions to a homemade cryogenics box in a tweet.

Comeback generator - While throwing facts in my friends' faces, things sometimes escalate, name calling ensues, and feelings might get hurt. Those feeling better not be mine, but with comebacks like "Your mom!", "Your face!", or sometimes "Your mom's face!" you can tell I don't win many of those battles. I need someone that can spit comebacks like Busta spits rhymes.

Must be able to see the future - I'm not playing games, I can't keep messing around with predictions, dove chocolate wrappers, or crossed fingers. I need someone that can see the future for, duh, every obvious advantage knowing the future brings. Plus I really want to know when the hoverboard and flying car will actually be possible. It looks like the expected future of 2015 coming a little slower than thought.

Name to face rememberer - Like that scene in The Devil Wears Prada where Andy must memorize the names of designers and recite them for Miranda in Paris. Yea, just like that.

Insomniac - I work weird hours. There is no telling when I will feel inspired and because being so organized you might "like" having a schedule and sleeping 8 hours a night. That just won't do. Sorry!

Photographer - Most of the time many of my good looks are wasted because I don't have an on staff photographer. My facebook profile picture has been looking pretty stale. Not to mention, how will anyone know I'm so busy if it goes undocumented. You're missing thrilling images like, "This one's of me scratching my sweaty armpit with plates of food surrounding me as I type this blog entry" I also want the pictures to have those cool hipster filters, just because.

Pronoun Translater - When I say words like "thing", "it", "that guy with the brown hair" you know exactly what I'm talking about. I see it in my head, I just don't have enough time to find the correct nouns verbally. Side note, because of this, I've thrown out my boyfriends application.

If you are ready to apply, please just leave a comment and I'll get in touch with you for 3-4 extensive interviews and a background check. I can't pay you in money, but I can always pay in love and a great reference on your resume.

My Boyfriend Is A Zombie

"Since you're out of town this weekend I am planning on an epic bachelor sleeping weekend. I plan to sleep in nearly every room of my house wearing sweatpants and no shirt. Just kinda like a zombie walking around with a line of blankets and 1-7

pillows."(Straight out of his mouth)

Things I have learned in my life so far (No thanks to Stefan Sagmeister)

Here is a few things I've learned while living my life so far...

1. You do not live in a vacuum - If you fart, someone will smell/hear it.

2. Mac and cheese sauce is better mixed together before putting it in the noodles and no one knows why.

3. The Daily Show is the most fair and balanced news source. They make fun of everyone.

4. Your awkward traits can be seen as attractive and cute if you play your cards right.

5. Transfer awkward moments. If you can make a person feel more awkward then you, mark it as a win.

6. There are 6 billion people on earth, someone will find you attractive.

7. Even if you say your not a hipster, you probably are.

8. Nothing beats a $4 pitcher of PBR.

9. Shuffling is hard.

10. Every girl loves Topanga Lawrence and agrees she had the most beautiful head of hair, but no guy finds her attractive.

11. Sometimes a bag of popcorn and The Office makes a much better companion then any boy/girl.

12. Having a bad day? YouTube "kittens" and "puppies". Watch the videos and they will make you feel instantly better.

13. No one cares to look at 20 thousand photos of you with "nifty" photobooth effects applied.

14. In 2012 we will grow cat legs and wings so we can jump out of the atmosphere and fly to other planets. (Okay, this is more a prediction)

15. Texting and email needs a sarcasm smily face.

16. There is a generation of kids that do not know who N*sync or the Backstreet Boys are, but I'll never forget a word to any of their songs.

17. The planets aren't as cool now that Pluto has been down-graded. My Very Exelent Mother Just Served Us Nine WHAT?

18. Stores should have mirrors that make you look thinner. That way you feel great about all the clothes you try on.

19. People won't believe it is your birthday if it not written on your Facebook.

20. Super glue is impossible to use without glueing one set of fingers together.

21. Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" will never be sung louder and more passionate then in a Michigan stadium, especially if the crowd has been drinking for the past few hours.

In Here It Sparkles

The Overly Enthusiastic "Mmhmm"

My office is set in a closet sized room at the end of a hallway where the closest door to the outside has now been drywalled over due to construction. Not only has the construction blocked the small sliver of sunlight that bounces in from the door, to the hallway, to the tiny window into our office, oh and the fire escape (shucks), it has also lead to a series of small earthquakes, vibrating my cup of pencils, coffee, and the computer screen. Sometimes I like to pretend War of the Worlds is occurring outside. I even play that really loud horn noise the machines make in the Tom Cruise movie version and wonder how heroic I'd be staring down a street of mayhem. I'd think back to every movie I've seen on these types of situations. During the panic, I'd most likely only remember Jurassic Park and try standing still, hoping like the "T-Rex – he'll lose you if you don't move". I'd be wrong of course. Alien attacker machines would of course have heat sensors and blow me away to smithereens.

As exciting as that is, daydreaming only takes up about 1% of my work time. The rest of the day is filled with sweating while printing a project someone wanted completed yesterday and realizing Clients From Hell  is the real deal. In the midst of freaking out, I can still answer the phone and talk to walk-ins like a pro. I greet them with a grossly animated "HI! WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH?!" and realize I'm shouting with joy. "Oh sure, we can CERTAINLY do that... No you're not ANY TROUBLE at all." After they leave, I feel I've completed a lap around the track. My heart rate slows down and my customer service grin quickly shrinks when I see how much work they actually want in such a short period of time. Everyone else is laughing and mocking my overly enthusiastic "Mmhmm"s.

Now don't get me wrong, I really want to help them out and make them the best design ever. The kind of design people weep over. But surely there is a way I can convey this without turning on the crazy eyes and making the clients ears burst. Maybe I should see about personalizing cookie cakes or naming a star after each client to express my gratitude and reassurance their project is in good hands. For the meantime, I'll try to turn down the volume and hand out cotton balls to future newcomers in hopes to muffle out my psychotic hopes to full fill their ever design need.

Red Bull or Sugar-Free Candies

This will offend many of my elderly readers, but I'm old and I have only become old within the last year. Last Fall I was pulling all nighters like it was my job. Well it was kind of my job because I was still an art student and everyone knows you can't do a project without 900 cups of of coffee to keep you up for the next 120 hours while you start your project over and over again. It's true, its in the college application.

Post graduation life is still full of work, stress, parties and fun. It just all gets moved to a different time period you forgot existed. There is an entire group of people that wake up before the sun rises and get tucked into bed after the nightly news. Last night my sister texted me at 11:30 p.m. Like most old people would have, I missed the message because I was already fast asleep, dreaming about shelties walking on their hind legs wearing sneakers, eating ice cream and driving cars. I woke up in the morning and texted her back at 6:00 a.m. to tell her that I was sleeping when I received her message. Her response at 10:00 a.m. was "Haha. I was sleeping when you texted me this morning, you are old!"

After this realization I knew there were two options. One, fight it! Stay young, shoot some red bull into my blood stream and light something on fire to feel alive. Two, give it up. After 20 your body is only beginning to decay anyways. After work today, I'll purchase a handful of lotto tickets and some sugar-free candies, sit on the couch thinking it through as I nod off to Everybody Loves Raymond before 8:00 p.m. I wonder when that next night of Bingo is.

Resourcefully Resourceful

Sitting here, using my broken MacBook, I'm wondering why certain people aren't quite as resourceful as they can be. My backlight is broken on my screen and there is an entire step by step guide online on fixing it yourself. A whole website full of easy questions to narrow down your problem and large photos with big red arrows showing the part they are talking about. It even tells you the part and tools you need to fix it. Now I'm a bit guilty and letting my boyfriend figure this one out, but he is an engineer, he does this stuff for fun. But, I would do it if I had to, at least before I chose to head to the Apple store and have one of the many Geniuses tell me the cost of the repare is the soul of my firstborn child. Who on earth would give up their child's soul so easily? Obviously they would then tell me to buy a new laptop because it only costs me my right arm in addition to the child's soul.

In theory that sounds great, whipping my new laptop out and waving it around at the grocery store with my also new robotic arm (to replace my original one I sold to Apple, of course. It only costs 10 pints of blood.). All the while I'm kicking myself because I know if I just got that one part I could fix my old computer for the cost of those groceries I'm about to buy.

The point is with the internet anything is possible. You get lost, whip out your handy smart phone. You don't have a smart phone? Grab the person's next to you because you are the only person left without one. Can't figure out how to save that file as a .jpg in that program you're on? We have had easy access to computers for the last 15 years people. Use the help function in that program and the six ways to save a file will be listed in bullets. Want to impress your friends with your wealth of knowledge? Google those facts and look sweet....see the trend?

So lets all focus on using the wonderful world of technology, making us appear smarter and helping us all on our way.

The Lisa Frank Effect

Is it weird every time I see a small creature outside I try to coo it over and grab it? No, because one day I'm going to get that creature, hold it, and pet it until it's hair falls out. Every squirrel, rabbit, stray cat, or duck making its way across the sidewalk and into my sights, gets a melodic rhythm of kissing noises just quiet enough no one else arounds me can hear. The animal suddenly stops its playful hop between grassy patches and I suddenly think, "this is the one!".  I inch closer and closer as we lock eyes. I try to tell them they are so cute and explain their increased quality of life while in my arms. At this point, one of two situations occur; the animal's eyes almost bulge out of it's head and they break away in a full sprint or they make a quick movement towards me and I squeal, flinching backwards. I mean really? Like I am going to actually pick up and hold the ravenous animal clawing, scratching, bitting at my hands and face. I guess it is the Lisa Frank effect. You're drawn in by the bug-eyed puppy on the outside pocket folder but you get too close and the rainbow and reflective hologram effect shocks you out of the trance. Either way you end up running away quietly.

Sucking Less

Inspired by my fellow crafter and wonderful designer, Elyse, and in hopes to improve my writing skills, I'm starting a blog. Out of sheer embarrassment, I have kept my public writing short, sweet, and to facebook (where typos are mostly ignored because you are too focused on stalking an ex and refreshing your news feed from 10 seconds ago).  To overcome my fears, I've told myself almost no one will read this. Those that do, know I'm a goof and hopefully you learn to fill in the missing word I leave out in a sentence. So here it goes...

I'm 23, living in the great city of Grand Rapids. I've graduated college, have a pretty sweet, yet stressful job, and a smoking hot boyfriend. What else in life is there? A heluva lot! I'm currently training to run the Disney Marathon, "the most magical 26.2 miles on Earth". I'm also a freelance Graphic Designer, life group leader for some bomb seventh grade girls, getting a master degree, Pinterest enthusiast, and major crafter. Also in the works...future Etsy seller, world traveler, and reader - of that huge list of must read books. If thats not enough, I'm attempting to blog. Long story short, I'm busy. But, who isn't?

I find it hard to say no to things. Being a small city, Grand Rapids has a pretty interesting list of activities and events. If I'm not already doing something, I'll probably be there. I really love being apart of a community and running things from the back end. I do know the importance of "me time", but if its not spent sleeping, it is probably spent cleaning, reading, designing, etc. This all makes me go a little nuts and I might freak out here and there. Luckily, I've got friends that understand and help calm me down with a brew or two.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to write about. Maybe it will be about my daily accomplishments or silly thoughts. It could end up just being a slue of angry message about always spilling coffee on myself no matter the circumstance.

Either way, I have now become one of a million bloggers, just hoping to suck less at communicating the English language.

Oh darling,

This is why we can't have nice things.

ponies

bombdigity

Om nom nom

hello.